Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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