sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
