You're my little dorito
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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