wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
