this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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