Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
40s are totally the cure
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
