Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
