I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
