I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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