I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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