I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
