There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
