What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
