why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
