My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize