I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
