I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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