so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize