Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
