woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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