I look better un-naked...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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