I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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