and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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