New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
