I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
