last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
