i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
