I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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