even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
