Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it glows. i had to have it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
