That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
