what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
