You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
