i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
