ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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