I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
