what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
