ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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