Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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