Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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