I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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