we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
