I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
