Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
