i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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