Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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