just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
wow bdsm is so cute
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
