i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
