wakey wakey hands off snakey
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
