Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
