If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
last night I used snow as a chaser
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
