At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
