Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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