Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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