I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This baby is an asshole
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
