please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
