My room smells like vodka and shame
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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