am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
