I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She announced her abortion via fbk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
