I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Randomize
