so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
