I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
