At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
