Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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