hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
