I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
