I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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