ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
