When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
