question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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