3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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