i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
