Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
