On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
