Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
