she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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