I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I will die if light touches me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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