I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
God, I missed his penis.
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