so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize