the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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