The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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