...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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