i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
