Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
