she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
