Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
