I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
