I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize