I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
no, he came in my armpit
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
