He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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