real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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