sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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