I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
